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JOHNSTON: Is there a vaccine to prevent the conspiracy plague?
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JOHNSTON: Is there a vaccine to prevent the conspiracy plague?

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I THINK I’ve finally come around to the conservative Republican way of thinking.

For more than a year now, these people have been saying that the government advocating that we take that COVID vaccine was just another means of Washington controlling us. You know, maybe they are right.

I remember as a child taking that smallpox vaccine that left a little round scar on my upper left arm. Looking back, I didn’t have a clue what was in that vaccine, and neither did any of the other kids of my generation.

They should have told us exactly what was in that stuff they scratched into our skin before they vaccinated us. A 5-year-old can understand medical terms. But a sneaky government kept silent.

Goodness knows what long-term effects that vaccination has caused. It probably took 30 points off my lifetime batting average and has caused me to hit my golf drives in the woods. Protecting me from smallpox? Yeah! Right! Just another way to control me and bring me down.

And that polio vaccine? More control. I’m probably going bald today because of that shot. Again, nobody told me what was in that serum.

I’m starting to regret that I ever took the shots. The conservative Republicans opened my eyes, and now I look around and see all sorts of ways that the government is trying to control us.

Stop signs, for instance.

They tell us that we should stop at intersections and look both ways for our own safety. Does anybody really think that is the truth? Every time we stop at a stop sign, I’ll bet there is someone up there in Washington just laughing up a storm. “Look, comrade! We made that driver stop! We have him under control!”

And when I checked, I found that there is not a stop sign in America that is FDA approved! Chew on that for a while.

Speed limits. Why shouldn’t we be allowed to drive 75 mph in a 25 mph zone? Safety? Naw! I’ll tell you why. They want the Democrats to get there ahead of us. It’s all in the plan. Give the Democrats an advantage. That’s what Washington wants.

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If I was a true conservative Republican (I’m not quite there yet), I would tell the government to go suck an egg when tax time comes. Just don’t pay your income taxes.

You know what they use that money for? To make a vaccine that has a microchip in it, a chip that allows Washington to track our every move. I know that’s true because I read it on Facebook.

During the height of this so-called COVID pandemic, the government wouldn’t even let funerals be held. Was that out of fear that crowds might pass on the virus? Not on your life. They just don’t want you to know who is dead because each of those corpses is going to vote at least twice in the next election. And they’re going to vote for the Democrat candidate.

See, I’m not in the dark anymore. I’ve seen the light. I know who is right and who is wrong and who is smart and who is not.

That’s why I no longer go to a doctor when I am sick. Instead, I contact one of my friends on social media for help because I have discovered that the people on Facebook know more than the doctors. And they don’t charge for their expert advice.

So stop letting the government control you. Don’t take that vaccine! Don’t stop at those stop signs! Don’t pay your income taxes!

Yes, I am being facetious and a bit sarcastic, but I’m mad. Ignorance and arrogance always makes me mad.

Last week, two people I know—one a good friend—contracted COVID. Both were about the same age. The friend, who wasn’t vaccinated (for whatever reason) died. The other man, who was fully vaccinated, suffered cold-like symptoms and is recovering.

And one of my daughter’s friends, who blasted the vaccine on social media, caught COVID and died. On her deathbed, she begged her husband to get vaccinated.

This stuff is not political. It kills members of every race, religion and political party.

On the other hand, if you would prefer to vote as a corpse instead of a live person, well, have at it. But you might want to take into consideration the (social media) fact that only dead Democrats are allowed to vote in this country.

I may get the virus and I may die from it, but at least by taking the vaccine I have given myself a chance.

And government control or not, I’m stopping at stop signs.

Columnist Donnie Johnston lives in Culpeper County. Email him at

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